"Smithers, release the hounds"

I got home tonight, was looking forward to seeing my financial calculator waiting for me on my front steps. Instead I found a brochure by the doorknob from our friends at the North Carolina Public Interest Research Group. I brought it inside, threw it out in teh trash, and turned on Fox News in the background as I began dinner.

Five minutes later the doorbell rang. I opened the door and found a nice young man identifying himself as someone from NCPIRG informing me of the group's efforts in passing legislations to protect the local lakes from evil corporate right wing polluters. (He didn't say "right wing" but I could see it on his face.) He told me they were looking for support from the community to suppress any opposition that would come up to defeat the legislation. At this point, I offered to sign his stupid petition and he politely informed me that the clipboard of names and addresses in front of me was not a petition but a list of financial contributors. He asked if I could give him $15 for a membership. I told him I didn't have $15 (mental note to myself: need to pray for forgiveness for lying). He then said he'd be willing to accept a contribution of $5. I told him I didn't have $5 (my second lie of the day). I then made a move for my door and told him I was going to go read his brochure (I figure since I have lied twice already, I might as well make it a "charm.") 

Now I know why the character Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons keeps vicious guard dogs around his house.